Jan 20th Aftermath

We had a great time last week at the New World Brewery with our buddies Magadog and Victims of Circumstance.  We ended up playing a little short staffed (a few horns couldn't make it), but it was still an amazing show.  The sound at that venue is great, thanks to Mark!  Anyways here are some fantastic pictures from the show.  Thanks to Nicole Kibert for taking them!

http://elawgrrl.blogspot.com/2012/01/johnny-cakes-and-four-horsemen-of.html

Here we are screaming about something.  I'm sure it was important.  

So, I know everyone wants to the results of the Johnny Cakes vs Magadog suck off.  Well unfortunately the judges passed out drunk before either of us took the stage.  Of course I say we won, but then so does Magadog. Next time Magadog, next time.

Also, big thanks to Thx Mgmt for putting the whole shindig together.

E-mail Part 2: Monolith

This post is a follow up to my interaction with Jason from Monolith Management who was sending us spam e-mails to get us to hire their "big time" management company.   If you didn't read the first exchange read it here.  It's funny and you'll like it:  http://guttercalypso.blogspot.com/2012/01/e-mails.html

Here is Jason's response to my e-mail.  It's a pretty nasty response:

First of all, your the one ranting about butt sex you fucking faggot. Im not here to waste time, like you've clearly done in your previous e-mail. I hope you realize that your band will never get anywhere with your mind set. I hope you all end up face down in the fucking street where you belong.
Your so called band name is a joke, yet very reflective of your age. Im ashamed that you even got an e-mail from our company.

In closing, I wish that I could meet you in person and bash your fucking head in.

Quit sucking each others dicks and do something worth while.

I wasn't going to post his e-mail address, but because he decided to reveal himself as a violent homophobe here it is.  Feel free to scold him for his rampant homophobia:  jason@monolithmgmt.com

Here's his Facebook page, looks like a real winner to me:  https://www.facebook.com/JasonDstandardtime

Jason Dempsey:  Super cool tough guy and band "manager."

Anyways here is my immature response to his hate filled e-mail:

Hey Jason!I'm sorry that you are ashamed about the e-mail you sent me before, but don't let our rejection get you down.  There's no reason to resort to homophobia and violent threats to voice your frustration.  What would your mother think?  Don't worry Jason, I won't tell when she comes over this week to watch Sleepless in Seattle.  (By the way does your mom prefer waffles or pancakes for breakfast; I'm great at making both). 

Keep trying and I'm sure someday you will be a real manager.  Feel free to use our band as a source of inspiration!  I'm going to go ahead and send you a signed photo of us for you to hang in your office (or on the ceiling above your bed, whatever).  Whenever you're feeling down you can look at it and think about how a down-on-their-luck band like us worked their way to the point where they were turning away scam rip off "management" companies without batting an eye.   

I agree with you about the importance of not wasting time.  We only live once and it's important to live everyday to its fullest.  I'm glad you're getting your priorities straight.  Which reminds me, I couldn't help but notice that you seem to have some difficulties knowing when to use apostrophes in your contractions.  So, I decided to be a buddy and link you to this helpful cartoon that will teach you when to use apostrophes.  You're going to need it when you become a manager:   http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe  

In closing, if we do meet in person and you decide to "bash my head in", I kindly request that you not hit me in the face.  That's how I bring home the bacon.  I'm sure you would prefer focusing on my body anyways. 

XOXO
Ostrich
Johnny Cakes and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypso

I don't know if he is going to write back, but I will post it if he does.

E-mails

So just like everyone else, bands get spam e-mails from all types of people, most of these are for boner enhancement or pyramid schemes, you know the usual e-mail stuff.  Sometimes, however, we get e-mails from people claiming to want some sort of working relationship with Johnny Cakes, but who are clearly just after our money. Sometimes I write them back and tell them what's up.  The other day, we received this e-mail from a company called Monolith Management:

Hey guys, 
It's Jason with Monolith Management.
We checked our your stuff online and think that you'd be a great fit for our management company.
We just released our new website that has all the details you need to know about us and how we can help your band become successful at www.monolithmanagement.com. We have 25+ services that are utilized by our amazing managers- this makes us one of the best management companies out there.
We usually require bands to apply to work with us, but we've already checked your band out. So, you're all good.
What's the best phone number to reach you at? It'll only take a couple minutes to answer questions you may have and get you guys on board.
Let's do some damage together,
Jason Dempsey
A&R Representative
Monolith Management

So, this e-mail does not really suggest to me that they actually checked out any of our stuff online.  If they did they would quickly realize that our reputation is more about vandalizing restrooms, exceeding weight limits of stages, and fart jokes than it is about being serious musicians.  A quick look at the website told me all that I needed.  Basically they want between $100-$500 per month for their management services.  Maybe their management services are great, I don't know.  I doubt it since they are spamming us with generic e-mails and I'm not about to start shelling out money to find out:

So here was my reply:

Hey Jason,
I'm glad you like our songs and think we would be a great fit for your management company.  Did you listen to this one about peeing in the butt?  Or this one about butt sex?  Or this awesome video about learning to play the guitar (and butt sex)?  I assume you must have, why else would you want manage us? 

That said, I really don't think we can be associated with the kind of pervert who would want to manage a band that has so many songs about butts.  What do you have some kind of sick butt fetish?  It's okay, we're not going to judge you, but (the conjunction not the body part, can you please stop thinking about rear ends for one sentence Jason) I don't  think it would be good for our image to have a management company that employs individuals who are liable to lapse into an uncontrollable butt frenzy at any given moment.  We're really trying to go after a wholesome family friendly image and I don't think that your preoccupation with rumps is going to help us with that.   

Also, we already have a manager.  His name is Skippy and he is a penguin.  Admittedly, he spends all of our money on hookers and sardines, but he's more of a leg man so he won't be attracting those kind of negative attention that your bizarre gluteus maximus fancy.  I have attached a photograph of Skippy to this message, because I thought you would like it and I am required to do so in every 5th e-mail I send as part of our management contract with him.  Here is a link to his Facebook page.  

I took the liberty of signing you up for Skippy's e-mail list.  He mostly sends out haikus and links to sardine porn, but I though that might help take your mind off of backsides for a little while.
Good luck with the managements, 

Ostrich

Johnny Cakes and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypso

I haven't heard back from him yet, but I will update this if he responds.   Here is the photo of Skippy that I sent him.  I think it's a pretty good one.

Edit:  He wrote us back, here is a link to part 2.

Jan 20th Show in Ybor City

We have a absurdly fun show coming up presented by Thx Mgmt on January 20th, 2012 at the New World Brewery in Ybor City.  If you haven't been to the New World, I highly recommend coming to the show.  It is a cool intimate venue with great sound and a fantastic fancy beer selection.  We'll be sharing the stage (or performance area or whatever you call that spot where bands play at the New World) with two great ska local ska bands and friends that we haven't had a chance to play with in a while:  Magadog and Victims of Circumstance.  It's always a treat to see Johnny Cakes and Magadog play together and compete to see who can do the best job of drunkenly train-wrecking their own show.  

On that note, we may have a secret advantage.  Due to some scheduling conflicts Mikey (our old drummer and old guitar player) will be filling in this show for us on drums, which almost guarantees that this show will be a lot a fun for everyone involved, especially Mikey.   (Fun trivia fact:  Mikey is producing the album that we are currently recording.)

Here is a link to the facebook event:  https://www.facebook.com/events/193101270785373/ and here is a link to a cool blog about the show from Suburban Apologist.  

This show is 21+ only (sorry kiddos) and is $8 at the door.  Doors at 9pm, show starts at 10pm sharp. If you need more info just ask Fingers the Clown: