E-mail Part 2: Monolith

This post is a follow up to my interaction with Jason from Monolith Management who was sending us spam e-mails to get us to hire their "big time" management company.   If you didn't read the first exchange read it here.  It's funny and you'll like it:  http://guttercalypso.blogspot.com/2012/01/e-mails.html

Here is Jason's response to my e-mail.  It's a pretty nasty response:

First of all, your the one ranting about butt sex you fucking faggot. Im not here to waste time, like you've clearly done in your previous e-mail. I hope you realize that your band will never get anywhere with your mind set. I hope you all end up face down in the fucking street where you belong.
Your so called band name is a joke, yet very reflective of your age. Im ashamed that you even got an e-mail from our company.

In closing, I wish that I could meet you in person and bash your fucking head in.

Quit sucking each others dicks and do something worth while.

I wasn't going to post his e-mail address, but because he decided to reveal himself as a violent homophobe here it is.  Feel free to scold him for his rampant homophobia:  jason@monolithmgmt.com

Here's his Facebook page, looks like a real winner to me:  https://www.facebook.com/JasonDstandardtime

Jason Dempsey:  Super cool tough guy and band "manager."

Anyways here is my immature response to his hate filled e-mail:

Hey Jason!I'm sorry that you are ashamed about the e-mail you sent me before, but don't let our rejection get you down.  There's no reason to resort to homophobia and violent threats to voice your frustration.  What would your mother think?  Don't worry Jason, I won't tell when she comes over this week to watch Sleepless in Seattle.  (By the way does your mom prefer waffles or pancakes for breakfast; I'm great at making both). 

Keep trying and I'm sure someday you will be a real manager.  Feel free to use our band as a source of inspiration!  I'm going to go ahead and send you a signed photo of us for you to hang in your office (or on the ceiling above your bed, whatever).  Whenever you're feeling down you can look at it and think about how a down-on-their-luck band like us worked their way to the point where they were turning away scam rip off "management" companies without batting an eye.   

I agree with you about the importance of not wasting time.  We only live once and it's important to live everyday to its fullest.  I'm glad you're getting your priorities straight.  Which reminds me, I couldn't help but notice that you seem to have some difficulties knowing when to use apostrophes in your contractions.  So, I decided to be a buddy and link you to this helpful cartoon that will teach you when to use apostrophes.  You're going to need it when you become a manager:   http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe  

In closing, if we do meet in person and you decide to "bash my head in", I kindly request that you not hit me in the face.  That's how I bring home the bacon.  I'm sure you would prefer focusing on my body anyways. 

XOXO
Ostrich
Johnny Cakes and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypso

I don't know if he is going to write back, but I will post it if he does.